Without a doubt, any parent’s top concern is the safety and well-being of their child. During a divorce or separation, however, it can be challenging to work closely with the other parent to effectively co-parent. Custody and support issues can quickly become contentious, leading to conflict, resentment, and frustration.
Despite the potential for acrimony, effective co-parenting is often paramount for a child’s mental and emotional health. This blog will discuss the three types of co-parenting and why they matter, as well as when to seek legal advice for a co-parenting conflict.
Co-parenting is the legal or personal arrangement between two parents on how they will raise their children, despite no longer being in a relationship. Successful co-parenting often involves cooperation and communication between both parties. There are three distinct types of co-parenting: cooperative co-parenting, parallel parenting, and conflicted or high-conflict co-parenting.
The type of co-parenting parents choose may play a significant role in how a child feels and behaves after a divorce or separation. For many children, the ending of a relationship between the parents can feel like a substantial loss, but when parents can work together to continue to support and care for their children, it can help to ease the challenges that often accompany these transitions.
The co-parenting type that generally has the least amount of conflict is referred to as cooperative co-parenting or the “team” approach. This style of co-parenting often involves open lines of communication between both parties and a willingness to collaborate despite no longer being in a romantic relationship.
Cooperative co-parenting may also involve a clear and effective parenting plan that establishes child custody, child support, parenting time, and decision-making responsibilities. In cooperative co-parenting, parents tend to respect boundaries and communicate about expectations or any changes to routines. There is also an emphasis on joint decision-making in lieu of one parent being the main voice for the child. While not achievable in every circumstance, cooperative co-parenting is often one of the healthiest strategies for everyone involved.
When large amounts of contact between the parties may lead to conflict, parallel parenting may be the best option. Parallel parenting relies on a highly structured parenting plan between the parties to ensure that contact is minimized. In parallel parenting, the role of each parent is clearly defined. Communication can be kept open, but contact is minimal.
In parallel parenting, the goal is to prevent or minimize conflict between the parents while still allowing each person to parent effectively, including protecting custody or visitation rights, clarifying financial responsibilities, and allowing each parent to have a say in their child’s upbringing.
Parallel parenting helps to resolve problems by minimizing contact between the parties. It still requires a high degree of cooperation despite less direct communication. Parents involved in parallel parenting often find a shared parenting app helpful in setting and maintaining schedules. Written communication may also be effective, including discussing decisions, schedules, or financial obligations, via text or email.
The third type of co-parenting is referred to as conflicted or high-conflict co-parenting. This style of co-parenting occurs when parents cannot effectively communicate or cooperate without conflict. If parents are unable to work together to find a reasonable parenting plan, they should seek outside support. The court may require mediation to help parties arrive at an agreeable solution.
Conflicted co-parenting, when left unresolved, can be detrimental to a child’s mental and emotional well-being. Children in situations where there is high-conflict co-parenting may start to exhibit behavioral problems or struggles at school due to the stress of their home environment. An acrimonious relationship between parents can quickly seep into a child’s life, making it difficult for them to manage. Parents who find themselves in this situation are encouraged to seek support to find an amicable co-parenting solution.
Co-parenting is not always straightforward. In a real relationship between parents, co-parenting may begin contentious but, over time, result in a more parallel or even cooperative style. In other cases, parents may find they struggle to maintain cooperation and communication and may prefer a more structured approach. Co-parenting, however, can directly affect the way a child processes a divorce or separation. Ineffective co-parenting can not only lead to resentment between parents but also between a child and a parent.
Here are a few ways to determine the type of co-parenting style you have with your partner:
Cooperative Co-Parenting
Parallel Parenting
Conflicted Coparenting
High-conflict coparenting situations can cause stress and anxiety for all parties, including the children. Moving from a conflicted coparenting style to a parallel or cooperative format is often critical to promoting and protecting the emotional and mental health of everyone involved. Effective co-parenting between parents can also help when it comes to custody and visitation arrangements. The less conflict there is between the parties, the more likely joint decision-making will work.
Tips to move away from conflicted co-parenting:
The courts will consider the rights of both parents when determining New Jersey child custody and visitation. The goal is for both parents to have frequent and continuing contact with a child despite being separated or divorced. The court also encourages parents to share in the rights and responsibilities of caring for their child.
In cases where both parties can effectively communicate and cooperate, the court may order joint legal custody. With joint legal custody, both parents share access to information and can make decisions regarding the health and welfare of their child. If the court does not believe that joint legal custody would be in the best interests of the child, it may award sole legal custody to one parent. Evidence that parents can engage in cooperative co-parenting may help ensure that each parent has a say in major decisions.
Parents’ style of coparenting may also affect parenting time plans. Parenting time is the time a non-custodial parent spends with a child. When there is little conflict between the parents, parenting time can be arranged more easily. Where there is conflict, the court may put certain parameters on parenting time, such as structured arrivals and departures that minimize contact.
While each parent may believe that they have their child’s best interests at heart, custody issues can quickly become contentious. It is always recommended that someone going through a separation, divorce, or custody battle, speak with a qualified family lawyer about potential co-parenting issues. Whether it is to protect a father’s rights or to work on a parenting plan, seeking legal advice can help promote a less conflicted relationship.
If you are going through a custody dispute or seeking a divorce in New Jersey, you need to speak with an attorney today. The lawyers at Rozin | Golinder Law understands that these conversations are never easy. We are here to help protect your rights and promote what is in the best interest of your children. Contact us today at (732) 377-3367 to schedule a confidential consultation.
