What’s in a name? If you’re in a blended family, the question of what the kids should call their stepparents can be a thorny one.
In the iconic 70s television series, “The Brady Bunch,” the kids each called their respective stepparent “Mom” or “Dad.” But in real life, a lot of parents would take major exception to having this title usurped by a stepparent – no matter how close the relationship.
For some stepparents, it may feel natural for a child you love and are so actively involved in raising to call you “mom,” “dad,” or some variation. That’s especially true with younger kids, particularly if their other biological parent isn’t as much of a presence as you.
While this “name game” may seem sort of insignificant in the grand scheme of things, the truth of the matter is that labels like these are very personal and tend to have strong emotional significance. Our Somerset divorce lawyers know that when there is disagreement between households about how it should be handled, it can become a major point of contention between co-parents and stepparents alike.
A New Jersey case, B.S. v. T.S., offers a glimpse into how Family Courts approach this sensitive issue. While it was a non-precedential opinion, it remains highly instructive for modern blended families.
In this case, divorced parents shared joint custody of their 8-year-old son. The father moved in with a long-term partner who had three children of her own. Over time, the son began calling his soon-to-be-stepmother “Mom” at his father’s house, consistent with how the other children addressed her.
The biological mother was hurt by this shift. She felt it infringed on her relationship with her son and argued that no one else should be called “Mom.” She also sought to limit the stepmother’s influence on major life decisions.
To resolve the issue, the Court interviewed the child in camera (privately in the judge’s chambers). The interview revealed:
The Court ruled that while children of divorce have little control over many life decisions, they should have the right to call a stepparent “Mom” or “Dad” if:
Crucially, neither parent can force the child to use these titles—nor can they forbid the child from doing so if it is the child’s own choice.
There are instances where a court might intervene:
A final, vital point made by the Court: calling a stepparent “Mom” or “Dad” does not grant them legal parental rights.
Stepparents do not share the same legal responsibilities as biological parents. All major parenting decisions—medical, educational, and religious—must be made by the legal parents. While stepparents can provide a loving, supportive role, they remain legal third parties in the eyes of the court.
If you have concerns about how your child addresses their stepparent or the role a new partner is playing in your child’s life, we can help. Navigating the boundaries of a blended family and child custody arrangements requires a delicate touch and a firm understanding of New Jersey law.
Contact our New Jersey family law attorneys by calling (732) 377-3367 or visiting us online.
