Co-parenting with someone who struggles with substance abuse is incredibly challenging. When an alcoholic parent shows up for a scheduled pickup, you are caught between two fires: the immediate physical safety of your child and the legal risk of defying a court-ordered visitation schedule.
Understanding how to handle these high-tension moments is critical for protecting your family and your legal standing.
Your foremost concern is the physical safety and emotional well-being of your child. However, you must be mindful that defying a court’s visitation schedule could technically be grounds for being held in contempt.
If your child’s safety is at risk, you may need to make a split-second decision to refuse the visit. In these cases, you must immediately contact a lawyer to document the situation and protect your rights.
If you feel safe doing so, try to calmly reason with your ex to agree to a later pickup. To support your case in court later, consider the following:
Identify witnesses: Note anyone nearby who observed the impaired behavior.
Record the interaction: Use your phone to capture audio or video of the behavior.
Note signs of intoxication: Be specific about alcohol on the breath, slurred speech, unsteady gait, or paraphernalia in the vehicle.
If logical reasoning seems unlikely to work, try reaching out to your New Jersey child custody attorney for help deciding what to do next. It’s best in these situations to work with a lawyer already familiar with your case. An attorney may be able to help you file an Emergent Hearing on child custody matters impacting the child’s safety.
Depending on the circumstances, you might also consider reaching out to the New Jersey Department of Children and Family Services. Such intervention may be wise if your child is already in your ex’s care, and you believe that they are at risk for neglect in your ex’s care.
If you or your child is at immediate risk of danger (i.e., domestic violence, drunk driving, unsafe conditions in the home, etc.), then you should call the police.
For a quick guide on when to contact who, see below:
Note: Involving the police when it isn’t strictly necessary can reflect poorly on you in court. Carefully consider the degree of intoxication and the age of the child before making the call.
The best way to handle an alcoholic parent is to have “safety net” provisions built into your legal documents before a crisis occurs.
If you know your child’s other parent struggles with addiction before your child custody arrangement is set, you can work with your New Jersey child custody lawyer to address it in the original order.
If it’s an active addiction, your attorney can help you request:
If the co-parent has past addiction issues, you may want to have provisions in the parenting time agreement to address it – just in case it ever suddenly becomes an issue again. Such measures you might consider include:
Remember that it’s not the Family Court’s role to punish parents for an addiction – active or otherwise. The goal here is to further the best interests of the child. That usually involves maintaining a relationship with both parents – so long as that can be done in a way that is safe and nurturing for the child.
If you discover the addiction after the custody agreement is finalized, you can seek a modification of that agreement. Modification requires a material change in circumstances – and an addiction that impacts the child’s safety would certainly qualify.
Call Rozin | Golinder Law, LLC today at (732) 377-3367 for a free and confidential consultation.
