As Monmouth County divorce lawyers, we know that for all the heartache of a marital dissolution, the promise of a fresh start - and possibly finding new love - is one of the bright spots.
After going through a New Jersey divorce, you’re older, wiser, and hopefully in a better mental/emotional state than you were in your marriage. Now, you’ve met someone new, and you’re considering remarrying - determined not to repeat the mistakes of the past.
Ensuring the long-term success of your next union means walking into it prepared. Here, we offer a checklist to help get you started.
- Make sure you’re legally allowed to marry. Your New Jersey divorce isn’t formally over until the divorce decree is signed by the judge and filed with the clerk of courts. The court issues the decree, states the marriage is over, and details the terms of the divorce. This document is public record. You might have agreed to all the terms long before, but the divorce isn’t legal until the divorce decree has been issued. Make sure the ink is dry on that decree before you say, “I do” again.
- Tread carefully when blending families. There are many happily blended families. But that doesn’t mean happiness came easy or without a great deal of care and planning. Simply tossing everyone together with little discussion, counseling or preparation can be a recipe for disaster. You don’t need your ex’s approval of your new marriage, but it helps if everyone can be civil with each other. That might take a mindful approach and a little more time. Ideally, everyone will be on the same page in terms of roles and responsibilities. Maybe your child’s co-parent takes little issue with your relationship, but has concerns about the stepparent’s role in decision-making, caretaking, or discipline. If you can work these issues out before you walk down the aisle, it’s going to make for a smoother transition for everyone. Make sure your children feel they have a safe space to share their feelings and fears. Work out the daily logistics with your ex and your new spouse as best you can before they become part of the routine. Understand that some degree of conflict is probably inevitable. Effective communication is going to be a lifeline. Choose your battles, but try not to ignore problems that are likely to continue cropping up. Address issues early - and out-of-court - if possible. Consider counseling and/or mediation before asking for the court’s intervention, as the latter is often protracted, expensive, and adversarial.
- Figure out how this is going to impact support payments. As someone who is divorced, your finances may be more complicated than someone entering their first marriage. This is especially true if you’ve got child support or alimony. If you’re the one receiving alimony, remarriage (or even just cohabitation) is likely grounds to terminate that support. With respect to child support, remarriage itself isn’t grounds for a modification because the new spouse isn’t obligated to support children from a previous marriage or relationship. That said, modification requests could be filed if the court reasons that the marriage has resulted in more disposable income being freed up, and thus the need for less child support (if the remarrying ex is the obligee) or more child support (if the remarrying ex is the obligor). Ultimately, the court will be looking out for the best interests of the child(ren). If you have concerns about how remarriage could impact your standing to pay or receive support, it’s best to consult with a family law attorney to review the financial implications.
- Revisit your will and beneficiaries. Updating your will and beneficiaries of your life insurance and retirement accounts is important post-divorce because you want to make sure your assets end up where you intend - and that likely isn’t with your former spouse. It’s especially important to make this change if you’re considering remarriage. You’re going to be combining financial resources and personal lives. You need to make it clear where these assets will go - be it with your new spouse and/or to children from your previous relationship(s). That’s likely going to take some extra planning. The terms of your equitable distribution may have your ex listed as the primary beneficiary of your life insurance policy, so you might not be able to change that. Note that the beneficiary designations on these policies will supersede whatever you write in your will, so it’s important not to assume the will can be a catch-all. You’ll have to contact each of those account holders individually and go through their processes for updating beneficiary designations.
- Get a prenuptial agreement. This can be a touchy subject for some people, but the reality is that prenuptial agreements can protect everyone involved. This is particularly true if there’s a disparity in your new spouse’s income/assets and your own. This can help ensure that not only are you both on the same page with respect to finances, but also that your children from each of your previous relationships are protected as well.
If you have any questions or concerns about navigating the legal elements of remarriage, our Monmouth County family law attorneys can help.
Call Rozin|Golinder Law, LLC today at (732) 810-0034 for a free and confidential consultation.